I left home for work last Monday without really having recuperated during the three weeks I'd had off over the Christmas and New Year's holidays- anyone who reads the entries I wrote during that time will understand why. Yet I walked out the door with a good attitude nonetheless, ready to make the best of it and do the best job I could. After all, that is simply my life and I have to deal with it. So as I write about the week in the following lines I'm not whining about it, but rather simply reporting what my Epilepsy did in a sober and emotionless way.
It might be appropriate to call last week "Seizure week", since I had many more complex partial seizures than usual, they were generally a little longer than they usually are, and they were unusually heavy and unpleasant.
Monday: I had two house calls to make first thing in the morning. One complex partial, lasting only about 30 seconds, came before the first house call and I had two more between the first and second house calls. The Epilepsy was pretty quiet the rest of the day.
Tuesday: The fireworks really got going on Tuesday. I got hit by five complex partial seizures before I even left home for work in the morning, each of them worse than usual and lasting up to two minutes. One seizure would subside and I'd have a few minutes of rest, then the next one would start. That went on for an hour or so while I tried to shower, make sandwiches, and pack my backpack for work. Each time you have to stop and wait until the seizure ends, all the while knowing that you have to leave for work very soon and don't have time for this crap. The world around you looks and feels strange. You know you should be doing something but are not quite sure what. It's there at the edge of your consciousness, but you can't quite grasp it.
The seizures stopped after the fifth one, leaving me tired and with a migraine. I finally managed to be ready and left for work, arriving about ten minutes late. Now, I don't ride my bike in January or February, but rather walk, and the migraine calmed down quite a bit as I walked to work. I had been at work for about fifty minutes when another CPS cluster began: A complex partial seizure- 2-3 minutes long- a few minutes of rest, then the next seizure, a few minutes of rest, then the next one, over and over again for an hour or so. It went on that way for the rest of the day, with breaks of maybe two hours between each cluster.
Wednesday: I woke up with a migraine, maybe one third power. Around noon the migraine weakened somewhat and a cluster of about six or seven complex partial seizures hit me, the cluster lasting maybe ninety minutes or so. Then the migraine returned, but there was no more seizure activity that day. I was very tired from the seizures and the migraine was a little worse than it had been before. I felt a sense of relief when I learned that Wednesday bible study fell out that evening, and at the same time felt a little guilty for feeling relieved. But I was sooo tired...
Thursday: I woke with a raging migraine. I had barely gotten out of bed when the first seizure of the day hit me, and I had one seizure after another up until around eleven am. After that I was very tired and that raging migraine stayed with me for the rest of the day. Another CPS cluster hit me in the evening after work.
Friday: I woke up with the migraine still going, but a lot weaker. I had back to back seizures a short time after arriving at work, each about two minutes long, then only one very short ten second one later in the day. Other than that the migraine continued, albeit a lot weaker than the day before. Fridays are shorter work days and I took a nap after I got home. The migraine was almost gone after I woke up from that nap.
I'd like to reiterate a couple of things about the seizures themselves. The seizures I have, the complex partials- or CPS, are much, much weaker than they would be if I were not taking the medication. I was not able to stay on my feet when I had a seizure before I began taking the medication, but went to the ground every time- sometimes even losing consciousness. Every once in a while a complex partial even went over into a grand mal seizure. I wouldn't be able to work if I weren't taking the medications. I'm not even sure I'd be able to live alone or go anywhere alone since I'd be completely helpless during a seizure.
Indeed I do have an occasional "Breakthrough seizure" meaning that a really bad CPS gets through the medication and I do go to the ground- well actually I always have several in a row. In those cases I am totally helpless during- and after- the seizures. Each time my medication has to be increased as a result.
I've been blessed so far in that someone has always been with me when I've had incapacitating seizures, but lately I've begun to realize that maybe I'm a little careless, and to wonder what I would do if that were to ever happen when I was alone. I walk or ride my bike all over town, for example, all alone, and suddenly it becomes clear to me that it's possible that I could be hit by a breakthrough seizure- or a cluster of them- anytime, anywhere. You never know. It hits you out of nowhere, without warning. What if I were at the mall, for example? What about in the evenings at home? What if I was in the shower? What if it got so bad that I had to call an ambulance but couldn't get to the door to let them in by the time they got there? Or had a grand mal and seriously bashed my head in? Well, I have a rescue medication in my wallet at all times that I'm supposed to take before it gets that far. I couldn't take it in town though because it shuts you down. I'd have to take a taxi home first.
No panic. Those breakthrough things don't happen often- I guess I just need to be better prepared mentally, just in case.
I would love to hear any thoughts, comments, or suggestions anyone might have! Please feel free to comment!
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