Epilepsy Update 08 January 2017

Today is officially my last day of vacation...

You always hear Germans say the same thing after every vacation when you ask them how it was. "Too short," is what they'll say every time. 

I don't remember ever having said that myself, but I could this time. The tension and anxiety and exhaustion that have held me in their vice grip since the last big seizure at the beginning of November barely began letting go last Wednesday evening, and first got to the point where my batteries actually began to re-charge just the day before yesterday. The four unpleasant, heavier than usual seizures that I had on Friday gave testimony to the fact that I was finally beginning to come down- you know, heavier seizures often come when the stress lets go. So now, at the very end of my vacation, I finally find myself at the point where I can begin to rejuvenate and gather strength for the next stretch of work. If I had another week...

But I don't have another week, and that's just the way it is.

So I should just be thankful for what little R&R I was able to find over the last couple of days. Thankful for the fact that my heart has quieted down at least a touch and that I'm at least a little more balanced inside. 

I'm thankful that I was able to get a good workout rhythm going again over the last three weeks- despite all the trouble, and that I even built up a little despite feeling so bad. 

I'm thankful for the few hours that I still have left- meaning the rest of today. Conny and I are going to the sauna in a little while and that is a place where I can almost always find inner calm and rest.

Tomorrow I'll get up and go to work as usual, without a fuss, as calmly and peacefully as possible, and be as positive as I can. I'm going to make the best of it. What choice do I have? Well, I do have a choice! I can quit anytime I like! Nobody is making me go to work. Many Epileptics don't work. I could go on disability or welfare, or whatever.

I need to remind myself that I don't have to work. I want to work...

I still have like five days of vacation left over from 2016 that need to be taken by the end of March and I plan on spreading them out over the coming weekends, in other words giving myself five three-day weekends between now and the end of March. 

I'm going to try and find ways to make better use of my free-time in the future (like more reading-less YouTube), and try and optimize my sleeping rhythm. At the same time I'll work on optimizing my working conditions even more than I already have, like trying to arrange to work at home on Fridays, for example. 

So it's back to work tomorrow. No sense crying about it. No sense mourning about it. That's the way it is. That's life. 

Get over it...