Epilepsy Update 06 May 2017

It's hard to believe that I'll be a married man in just six weeks!

The photo is only a joke, of course. I'm getting married of my own free will. Besides, I'm the one that asked her...

I can look forward to being a husband now but that wasn't possible just a few short weeks ago, back when I was still taking Topirimat. I couldn't look forward to anything back then, because it took every bit of my energy just to survive each and every day, day after day, week after week, etc. ad nauseam. 

That really seems to be changing now thanks to the

Lamotrigine/Vimpat combination. You may recall that they did an EEG and took blood on the 19th of April to check my progress in the transition from Topirimat to Vimpat. Well, I went back to the neurologist's last Tuesday to discuss the results with him. In the end he raised the Vimpat 100 mg per day. That seems like a pretty big jump to me, but I'm not a doctor and kept my mouth shut. I would have expected him to raise it 50 mg at a time. 

Kaum zu glauben..
In sechs Wochen werde ich ein verheirateter Mann sein!

Das Foto ist natürlich nicht ernst gemeint. Ich heirate aus freien Stücken. Zudem bin ich derjenige welche sie gefragt hatte. 

Jezt kann ich mich darüber freuen aber vor einigen Wochen konnte ich mich auf gar nichts freuen. Seit Monaten ging's mir jeden Tag ausschließlich um's nackte Überleben.


Bisher schaut's gar nicht so schlecht aus mit dem Kombination Lamotrigine/Vimpat. In einem anderen Beitrag erwähnte ich, dass ich am 19,05 beim Neurologen war um einen EEG machen zu lassen und Blut abnehmen zu lassen um

den Fortschritt der Umstellung vom Topirimat zu Vimpat zu prüfen. Vorigen Dienstag war dann die Besprechung der Ergebnisse und Dr. Vollhardt hat das Vimpat um täglich100mg erhört. Es überraschte mich, dass er gleich 100mg erhört hat anstatt in Schritte zu je 50mg. Na ja, wer bin ich? Ich habe die Klappe gehalten und am gleichen Tag angefangen die neue Dosis reinzuwerfen. 

I've felt much, much better since the switch, and I'm hoping that it'll get even better in time as the medication develops to it's full potential. Life has already begun to be livable again. My head is much clearer, concentration and memory a lot better. I have a lot more power than I've had for months and months, and especially enjoy my daily workouts in my home gym. I've begun increasing the weight I work with and my body is building back up again. 

Es geht mir viel besser seit der Wechsel und ich hoffe, dass es noch besser wird wie das neue Medikament seine volle Wirkung mit der Zeit entfaltet. Das Leben fängt an wieder lebenswert zu sein. Mein Kopf ist viel klarer, mein Gedächtnis und Konzentration um einiges besser. Ich habe viel mehr Kraft als seit vielen Monaten. Besonders schön sind die Workouts in meinem Heimfitnessstudio. Ich stocke langsam das Gewicht mit dem ich traniere auf. Mein Körper baut sich langsam wieder auf. 

As for Epileptic activity the past week it was absolutely bearable in comparison to the past year. I had a migraine on Wednesday, but it was rather weak and only lasted around three hours. I had six or seven rather unpleasant complex partial seizures but they only lasted between ten seconds and one minute each. That's a huge improvement to the days long migraines and the daily two to three seizures I've been having, the seizures lasting up to ten minutes each. 

Was epileptische Aktivität betrifft hatte ich Mittwoch eine schwache Migraine, die jedoch nur ca. drei Stunden andauerte. Dazu sechs oder sieben unangenehme Komplex Fokale Anfälle, welche jedoch nur zehn Sekunden bis eine Minute von Dauer waren. Das ist ein sehr große Fortschritt gegenüber die zermübende, tagelang andauernde Migrainen sowie die dreimal tägliche Anfälle, welche je bis zu zehn Minuten andauerten. 

The fear is still there, of course. The fear that I could still have a really heavy seizure, especially during the adjustment period. Good neighbors of ours are getting married today in a small village some distance away. Conny and I were invited- and looking forward to being there. It turned out, however, that Conny couldn't go because of work and I would have had to go alone, taking a combination of trains and buses. I just couldn't get up the courage to do that because I can't know for sure that I won't have a big one- and especially knowing that they almost always come in clusters. I envisioned myself having a heavy seizure in some train station or at a forlorn bus stop out in the boonies  somewhere, suddenly not knowing where I was or what I was doing for several minutes, likely missing the next connection and having to wait for another one. At the same time I would know that more were likely on the way. Also knowing that I was a couple hours away from home and would have to find the right trains and buses to get back home. I've found myself in similar situations a couple of times when travelling to and from Würzburg to visit my kids- and I didn't even have to switch trains. It's absolute torture. Now, I do ride my bike all over Aschaffenburg every work day, but that's close to home and I always have my rescue tablet and 20,-€ for a taxi tucked away in my wallet, just in case. None of that would help me two hours away from home at some lost bus stop, alone. Everyone knows that the rescue tablet knocks you out. 

You know how it is: it takes a while. If I end up being stable then the fear will eventually subside...


Natürlich ist die Angst ist noch da. Die Angst ich könnte noch einen starken Anfall bekommen, vor allem während die Zeit der Umstellung. Gute Nachbarn von uns heiraten heute in einen kleinen Ort in einige Entfernung von Aschaffenburg. Conny und ich waren eingeladen und hatten uns darauf gefreut hinzufahren. Es stellte sich aber heraus, dass Conny nicht hinkonnte wegen Arbeit und ich würde alleine mit dem Zug bzw. Bus hinfahren müssen. Ich habe den Mut einfach nicht aufbringen können, da ich noch nicht wissen kann ob es mich noch hinhauen könnte. Ich sehe mich in irgendeinen Bahnhof oder verlassene Bushaltestelle irgendwo in die Pampa, ganz alleine wenn einen schweren Anfall kommt. Plötzlich keine ahnung wo ich bin oder was ich tun soll- wollwissend, dass noch mehr Anfälle kommen werden da ich sie meist in Reihen bekomme. Gleichzeitig wäre ich ein paar Stunden von zu Hause weg und noch die richtige Busse bzw. Zug würde erwischen müssen um Heim zu kommen. Ich bin ein paar Mal in ähnliche Situationen gewesen als ich alleine mit dem Zug nach Würzburg gefahren bin um meine Kinder zu besuchen. Grausam ist das. Nun, ich fahren schon jeden Arbeitstag überall in Aschaffenburg herum aber das ist was anderes. Ich bin nicht weit von zu Hause weg und habe Nottablette und 20,-€ für einen Taxi stets dabei. Das funktioniert aber nicht wenn man 2 Stunden von zu Hause entfernt ist, ganz alleine. Jeder weiß, dass die Nottablette einem umhaut. 

Epilepsiebetroffene wissen wie das ist: es dauert eine Weile. Wenn ich richtig stabil werde, dann wird die Angst sich langsam auflösen. 

They Called Me "Flint Eastwood"

I think we can all agree that war is not good, and that we all desperately long for a world without armies and tanks,attack helicopters,missiles and bombs. That is, however, simply not realistic at this point in history, nor has it been possible at any time in all of human history to date. That day will surely come, but it's just plain not here yet, and we have to face that fact or be conquered. 

A man named William Ralph Inge, who was among other things an English author and animal rights advocate, said something very wise in his book "Outspoken Essays" way back in the year 1919.

"It is useless for the sheep to pass resolutions in favor of vegetarianism while the wolf remains of a different opinion."

The fact is that we have no other choice but to maintain an army and soldiers and weapons until the day arrives in which the wolves change their attitude and no longer pose a threat to us.

I was crouched down in a

thick forest, trying to make myself invisible. I could hear feet trying to move as soundlessly as possible on the crisply frozen snow that covered the trail, which lay approximately ten meters to the west. The forest was enveloped in silence. The kind of utter stillness that is companion to a world in deep-freeze at 21 degrees below zero. Dusk was falling, and I needed to get back to my men as soon as possible. The enemy had attacked every evening around dusk for the past five days and I needed to be with my men when they came again tonight. We'd managed to repel them up to that point, but we'd lost men doing it and our numbers were slowly dwindling. Sooner or later there wouldn't be enough of us left to ward them off anymore. The thing was, the enemy wasn't attacking in force as you'd expect him to when mounting an offensive against an entire company of forty men, as we were; or rather had been only a few short days ago. Instead, they were coming in small squads of maybe ten men, nipping at our heels, thinning our ranks slowly but surely, whittling us down until there were too few of us left to withstand them. 

They were smart, they were. Their incursions were strategic artworks designed to maximize their fire power against a larger force. They had attacked the warm-up tent yesterday evening, for example, and the execution of their well-planned offensive was gruesomely precise. They had crept up behind the warm-up tent like ghosts, one man each taking up positions at the back and on each side of the tent. The other seven soldiers had hidden themselves at positions in the woods across from the entrance to the tent. Positions which would allow them to cover the entrance of the tent from all angles. At a predetermined moment all three of the soldiers behind and beside the tent slit it with their combat knives and threw CS-gas grenades inside! Shouts of alarm were raised from within and chaos ensued! Those inside came tumbling out the front in blind panic! And yep, you guessed it: those hidden opposite the tent opened fire. Our boys never had a chance. Then the attackers faded away into the forest and simply were not there anymore. They would be making their way back to their base by now, satisfied that their meticulously planned and efficiently executed incursion had been a devastating success. Several more of us were gone...

I tried to huddle even closer to the ground, the bitter cold slowly seeping its way through the many layers of US Army issue cold weather gear I was wearing. I was scared...really scared. I was a couple of hundred meters from our camp, and I was alone. No help would come. The sounds I was hearing could only be a squad of enemy soldiers advancing for another dusk incursion. If they saw me I was a dead man, or even worse than that, a prisoner. We'd all heard stories about how they treated their prisoners... 

The point man suddenly appeared on the trail some distance away, coming at me from the northwest. The rest of the squad soon followed. They were half crouching as they gingerly moved forward in a tight row, their faces covered with white camouflage grease. They were going to walk right by me about ten meters away, and they were bunched up tight.  "Maybe the enemy isn't quite as smart as we thought he was", I said to myself. They were making a big mistake by walking in such a tight line. They were much too close together and every soldier knows that you have to spread out on the trail, otherwise the whole squad could be taken out all at once. How often had the drill sergeants told us that in basic training? It began to dawn on me that I might actually be able to take them down when they walked by me on that trail, all lined up so nice and pretty as they were. They were like ducks in a shooting gallery.

I prepared myself to go into Rambo mode...

M16A2 Rifle

The rifle I had with me was an M16A2, US Army standard issue at the time.

The rifle's safety switch is on the left side of the weapon where you see the man's left thumb in the photo. The left position is safe, the middle position is semi- auto, and the right position is full-auto. 

Those enemy soldiers were getting closer and closer,

and finally reached my position. I was perfectly calm inside but ready to jump into action at just the right moment. Unfortunately, my rifle was set on safety. If I switched over to full-auto now they would hear it, so I had to wait until the very last moment to switch over. When the right moment arrived I calmly stood up, switching over to full-auto as I did, and wasted the whole squad in a matter of seconds!

It took those boys a few seconds to process what had happened to them. They stopped in their tracks, frozen in time, half crouched, with their weapons out in front of them. Their faces went from surprise to pure shock as they turned their heads towards me and realized what had just happened. They just couldn't believe it...

I stepped out with my weapon over my shoulder and said, "If you would please follow me gentlemen", turned on my heel and led the way to the captain's tent. Once there I called out, asking for permission to enter the tent, and got the

captain's ok. I stepped in and went to attention. "I've eliminated the enemy's attack squad for this evening sir", I announced as the captain reached for the tally book in which each soldier's kills were recorded. Captain Jordan asked, "Is that what all that shooting was about a few minutes ago?" "Yes sir, that was me." "Well, bring 'him' in so I can take a look at 'him'", ordered the Captain. He obviously hadn't understood me when I'd said "The attack squad" The look on the captain's face was priceless when I pulled the flap of the tent back and the whole attack squad filed in! They lined up before him red faced, heads bowed in shame. Captain Jordan was confused at first. He looked first at me, then the enemy soldiers, then at me again, his face mirroring the confusion he felt. "You killed them all?" "Yes sir!" I replied. "All by yourself???" "Yes sir!" I answered once again. I gave an account of how the whole thing had gone down while he tallied my kills in the book, his face beaming with pride at how deadly his soldiers were. Of course I didn't mention that I'd been out in the woods relieving myself when they just happened along. It wouldn't hurt my career if the man thought I was a strategic genius. As soon as he had finished tallying he turned his attention to those enemy soldiers. He chewed those boys up and spit them out, telling them what bad soldiers they were and how they'd all be dead if this were a real war instead of a training exercise. "You should be ashamed of yourselves," he told them, "all ten of you wiped out by a single man!"   

The story of what I'd done spread like wildfire through the company, and soon all of my fellow soldiers knew about the incident. Later, in the chow line, one of them looked at me as I approached and said, "Look! Here comes Flint Eastwood!" They all patted me on the back and told me how proud they were to serve with me. Later, in the warm-up tent Sgt. Little walked up and stood next to me and said, "Flint, if we ever have to go to war for real I want you next to me!"

That nickname, "Flint Eastwood", stuck with me for the rest of my time in that unit...