Epilepsy Update 6 May 2016

My daily seizures are changing now. I guess my neurologist is getting them back under control. The seizures have gotten a lot shorter and a lot weaker. Those tiny electric shocks have gone back to 10-12 per day as well, some of them weak and some strong. The seizures still happen 2-3 times a day but are usually not as strong and only last 5-10 minutes

What's unchanged is that loathsome feeling in my brain. I call it the Epi-brain. It's an epileptic daze. That feeling that is always there and has been for years. It's weaker on some days and stronger on others. It was strong this past week, especially strong on Monday and Tuesday. At the same time my emotions wanted to crash and that old, well-known anxiety was always waiting to pounce on me and take control. I spent the week just trying to ride it out. Trying to survive. I did my best to ignore that feeling and concentrate on my work- though concentration was very, very streneous. I tried to stay calm at all times, remain in control of my emotions. I kept reminding myself to go slow, take one step at a time, not let things get to me. That kept my head just barely above water.

Completely ignoring that feeling is not possible. It's there and won't go away no matter how badly I wish it would. It affects every part of the day. It is possible not to dwell on it however, not to constantly monitor it, not to continuously be conscious of how nasty it feels.

Going slow and staying calm has got to become my way of life.

The last time I was at my neurologist's he told me to take some magnesium and drink an espresso with sugar just as soon as I feel a seizure coming on. He said that maybe what look like seizures are in fact migraines, which can be similar to partial seizures. Migraines are a notorious side effect of Epilepsy and he said they often don't appear as headaches in men. I have been trying that where possible but I don't think it's helping. It's hard to tell when the whole thing is usually over within 10-15 minutes anyway.

All this isn't easy on the people near to an Epileptic. It begins with the fact that no one but a fellow Epileptic can really understand what one goes through. My daughters live far enough away that they don't see the daily struggle but my girlfriend does. She has a lot of difficulty coping with all the effects, like the absent-mindedness and forgetfulness and the fact that it's not always possible for me to listen to her when she needs to talk about her problems or wants to converse. We can't even walk into town together without her having to fear that I'll have a seizure underway and it could be difficult walking back home.